this is an edit to my previous post - the one containing my personality list. seems i can't rid myself of wishful thinking. so take the hawk off that list, if you please. that is
not me. it's not even a part of me, it's just what i long to be. replace the hawk with the hedgehog, as described in my previous post. the personality taking refuge in sleep and fantasy worlds. the one showing the spikes when reality threatens to squish. at least i'll sting back. just pray for me that if i'm squished, my last dream will be that of a hawk soaring through the skies. free. liberated. happy with a twist.
brokeback feeling all over again. whoever said you pay for everything in life was darn right. i swear i was having an excellent day - my mood matched the weather. too good to last. the sun went into hiding and so did my smile. i must be the most annoyingly mood-changing person i know.
am wide awake in the middle of the night again. i'd blame it on the full moon, but am not all too sure it's full. and this has been going on for a month or so and getting worse. i should probably make an effort and change my schedule. start sleeping in the nights and live what time i am given in the day, when there are a zillion petty things to distract me. but then again... this is me, not that walking, talking, smiling carcass going about during daytime. sickeningly cheerful, you were right, my friend. or at least this is a me i am accustomed to. i could almost be happy in my misery, if it only didn't hurt so bad.
and i have barely thought that, that my conscience kicks in, telling me how ungrateful i am, and that pity is so much better spent on people who deserve it, not on those keeping themselves deliberately miserable... it's just
that i'm not that convinced anymore that i am doing it deliberately. it's part of my system.i need my brokeback. but brokebacks are supposed to be shared. in lack of that... could i just curl up and sleep, lulled in dreams of lakes, with spikes keeping reality at bay?
the whole of deni
the sum of all that follows below
might be hard to handle at times. below chart should provide some help
sleepy lemming
the sleepy me.
can be moody if disturbed. no, lemmings are not stupid herd animals. no, they do not commit mass suicide either.
hyena
ironic me
watch out for this one... it’ll sneer at you no matter what. often sighted.
coyote
the sad me.
just howling out my pain. usually in writing. kicks in pretty often.
raging buffalo
all in a rage about the world...
will bang head against wall repeatedly, numb to personal pain at occasions.
the bunny
the... horny me.
thought of a vixen too, but that’s too sassy. this is the me that drools over jon, rob, adam, adrien, jake and.. errr.. *g*
happy meerkat
the happy-happy joy-joy personality
on the verge of extinction lately
puppy
the comforting personality
can be recognised by attentively perked ears, puppy eyes and the offered shoulder
mouse
guess what? the cute me.
yuck. i used the c-word. sometimes sighted surrounded by butterflies.
wacky seal
silly me
the equivalent of the gaga dodo. not worth contradicting. contagious.
goldfish
just happy to float along.
the mood where nothing touches me.
hawk
free. liberated. happy with a twist.
when the buffalo has his way and gives as much a damn as the hyena...
bookworm
nerdy me
no! don’t take away that book! i was feasting on page 847!
panther
sexy’n’sassy me
the feline personality is seldom to be seen... thought to be extinct by some.
two days ago i did an interesting exercise in positive thinking. I managed to transform something really annoying into something slightly amusing and somehow flattering. let me explain.
for some time now i have felt harrassed. i will spare you the details. but when someone you don't want anything to do with keeps sending you mails, until you have to snap back or block addresses (or both, depending on your mail account), when they put up a blog as response to yours, when they "talk" to your through messenger statuses (wonder what the rest of the contact list thought...), when they subscribe to mailing groups you're in, when they read your site update the minute it occurs, when they announce that they want to take part in something dear to you just because you're there... well, i was actually so annoyed that i wonder if i'd get violent on the next face to face meeting...
now, everybody knows negative thinking ain't good for your health. so i tried looking at it from another point of
view. i took the verb 'to harrass' and changed it into something similar - 'to stalk' (after all, stalking does have a tinge of secrecy to it's meaning the way i see it, and this is the case...). now, stretching the limits of logic a bit (hey, it's all for a good purpose), you have to be a really special person to have a stalker. i mean, i generally associate stalkers with famous people.
so this slightly annoying situation could be viewed as something else: i have a fan. what a shame it's an obsessed fan. keeping up the practice of positive thinking, all i have to do is hope i won't end up with a bullet through my head. howgh!
this is an edit to my previous post - the one containing my personality list. seems i can't rid myself of wishful thinking. so take the hawk off that list, if you please. that is
not me. it's not even a part of me, it's just what i long to be. replace the hawk with the hedgehog, as described in my previous post. the personality taking refuge in sleep and fantasy worlds. the one showing the spikes when reality threatens to squish. at least i'll sting back. just pray for me that if i'm squished, my last dream will be that of a hawk soaring through the skies. free. liberated. happy with a twist.
