2006

yeah, i know. it's not over yet. and i hate summing up things. as i mentioned somewhere else, i dread looking under lines to see what i end up with. but since i've already done it elsewhere... why not post it here as well. a reminder for future generations :)

on the outside... better than 2005 in some ways. professionally and financially mostly. and i sometimes feel like an arsehole for complaining because of that. also on the plus side of things, there was an accomplishment i suppose i should be proud of and yet another international experience.

on the inside... a calmer year on interpersonal level... what struggles there were, they were the aftermath of 2005 so it's yesterday's snow really. the big plus here is a big thank you to my guardian angel; an unforgettable august night; and some dear friends.

the big minus goes to my more and more pregnant lack of enthusiasm, appreciation, trust, faith, hope and will to change. a lesson i should've learned and i constantly fail (though that is not such a good thing; wanting to pass is) and a promise i keep making to myself... and breaking. and i hate promise-breakers. i know i didn't make much sense, but bear with me. i honestly do know what i am talking about, it makes perfect sense to me.

this is what i posted as a sum-up. i didn't want to go into detail there.

i can't deny it was a good year from those two points of view. i earn quite some money and quite easily. i know many a person would like my job. but it's wearing me down, turning me into someone i don't want to be. i'm afraid it's one of the things that will need seeing into in 2007. not that i believe in new year's resolutions anymore.

my so called accomplishment that everyone says looks good in a cv is more of a headache than a reason for joy to me. and, hey, people, i don't care about my cv. i don't care about career.

amsterdam was great. the project filled me, at least short-term with enthusiasm. well, am paying for that mistake now. meant to go back there in autumn, but nikon got the best of me :) however... it's a city worth the wait and worth a good camera, too :) i was considering summer but might make that spring. maybe a truly lavish birthday present to myself.

most echoes of 2005's troubles just managed to die out short of the end of this year. what bonds still tie me to days passed, i mean to sever in may. more about that in may, however :) (considering i'll be still alive, conscious, able to write and willing).

surviving with a mere bruise an accident in which others break their spine i suppose is a good thing to be counted at the end of the year. good to have a dragon near. as for the august night... i suppose most people reading know what i mean :) i don't believe in a drug stronger than that. the friends... also know, i presume. or hope.

the downside of things... well, that is something i still need to sort out with myself. as said, i don't believe in new year's resolutions anymore. those are destined to be broken. i am at the moment looking for something worth believing in. well... i can wait. there's no hurry. there are other years to come. or so they say. it needn't be mystic, or noble or some higher goal. just something to keep me going. and... i just remembered a song very dear to me that i haven't listened to in quite a while...

in a world that gives you nothing...
i need something... to believe in.

ps: yep, second pic by marcin stawiarz again. i'll get there, someday :)