writer's block or from keys to quills

again i feel the urge to write and... i feel this pressure mounting inside my heads, the thoughts swirl ever faster, precious flashes, i know they are there, i know "this one could be something" but they're like undistinct shapes of smoke in a grey fog. if i focus on one it seems to dissolve; i know they are there, but i can't get my hands on any. my fingers are itching and eager, i set them on they keys, they wait and... nothing. it's faded into the fog again.

it's not because of the keyboard. i thought it might be that. as much as computer technology satisfies my need for expression and enables me to write what i could never say, sometimes the keyboard is just too cold and impersonal. seeing the letters on the screen one after another like beads on a string - sometimes it isn't enough. i need to see ink flow. i need to see it coming out of my hands, not out of a wire.

so i tried switching. i have a brand new and elegant pen, a gift from a friend. i have not had time to look for my black ink yet. i adore black ink. i can write really stylish if i want to, even though lately my handwriting has become a mess (i wonder if there'll come a time when people will literally forget how to write, handwrite). anyway, black ink aside, i took the one i had, the blue one. the pen flows really smoothly over the paper. i like it, it's a good pen. but still, nothing useful comes out of it.

oh well, at least i can fool myself into believing that staring at a blank paper is more romantic than staring at a blank screen. you know what i would really like to try once? a quill. a really old fashioned, elegant black quill. and i want to write on old-style paper, too. not this chlorine bleached stuff you get in shops. and i want the writing to flow on the paper just like the owner of my quill feather floated on currents of warm air. that would be like... the ultimate orgasmic writing experience.

ps: click on image to see in original context at deviantart.com; see? i even give people credit.