... this thing has happened twice to me in the past. it might've be a coincidence that a superstition confirmed as fact when it was just that - a coincidence.first time was in early may 1994. it was but a brief thought that came to my mind then quickly darted away - a thought i laughed off as silly in spite of the uneasiness it caused. the thought was "how would i react if he died today?" followed by a flash of myself, wide-eyed in disbelief in front of the tv. he did die that day, though i was not there to see it. i hadn't had the patience for the race, so i went out to play volleyball instead.
second time, it wasn't a person, but a dog following me to school one morning, in the eight grade. again, the thought came and went; again in the form of a 'what if' and 'what would i do'. oddly selfish way to shape thoughts about others' death, though rather common, i'd presume. i tried to shoo him away, but he wouldn't go. he got hit by a car at the next street crossing. bastard didn't even slow down.
last night, it was an image flash, so short i didn't even realize what it was. it left behind a smell. i was half asleep and it took me several seconds to identify the memory it belonged to. smells are among the most powerful memory-callers i know. then i woke up and also identified that diffuse anxiety that went with it
and the two times i'd felt it before. i hope it was just a dream and i remembered it for waking up so abruptly. i almost never remember dreams but for some rare exceptions, which are either very queer or nightmares. so... i hope it was just shreds of what i was dreaming when something woke me suddenly. ps: nightmare by Paul Bielaczyc on elfwood
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